It's been Rio, it's been fun

            After Olinda, we took off for another cute little town in the southeast part of Brazil called Rio de Janeiro. Upon arrival, we instantaneously made sure to act like proper tourists and get scammed into taking a super special “airport cab” which, as we found out on our return home, was 40 Reia’s ($20) more than a regular cab. Good leadership. Our AirBNB host Jucelito, who was a co-winner alongside Jesus of Nazareth of the “Nicest Man in the Universe” award, greeted us. Jucelito had warned me on several occasions of the 95 steps leading up to the apartment, and I didn’t know why it was such a big deal until now. We were dropped off in front of several high-rise buildings, which were awesomely located in the Flamengo beach area in eastern Rio. I assumed these were just buildings without elevators. That’s fine. But no. Our apartment was located through these buildings and up the mountain behind them. Jucelito took Becca’s bag and, being slightly overweight (both the bag and Jucelito himself), almost suffered cardiac arrest within 20 steps. We stopped, Jucelito attempted to catch his breath, and we set out again. And stopped again. At this point, I was concerned we weren’t going to finish the trip because of an AirBNB-related death. We set out again though. And stopped again. Memories of Goose soaking not only his shirt but the entire mountain we were on in Cinque Terre were churning in my head. Jucelito was legitimately about to keel over with the gripper on step number 80 but still wouldn’t let me take Becca’s body bag off his hands. We finally made it up to the apartment, and coolly accepted that it consisted of just 3 rooms – an office converted into a bedroom, a main room converted into a bedroom, and a kitchen/bathroom hybrid. It worked. Jucelito gave us a “tour” which consisted of just pointing around, and proceeded to show us how everything (EVERYTHING) in the house worked, from the WiFi to the chairs to how to pour a coffee pot. Great gesture, but not sure just how incredibly stupid Brazilians think Americans are.

We took off back down the 95 steps for Botafogo beach, some groceries, and then Lapa, where Rio’s nightlife was put on display. In Rio, Bars are really just optional. In Lapa, for example, there are a solid 10 to 20 bars in the area which fill up, but thousands more fill into the streets, alleys and parks nearby, where street vendors with makeshift bars take over. A majority have about 0 minutes of bartending experience, but you automatically trust them anyways with their Caipirinha skills because it’s like the same as trusting an American with grilling a burger...even if the American is 18 and his clothes are made of a wool blanket. We toured the area, talked some soccer with Columbians, caught a cab and almost died for the 14^th time in one. In Brazil, we’ve discovered, “red lights” and “turn signals” are more suggestions than laws - nobody actually really obeys them because that’s a waste of time and effort. Just drive.

We woke up and decided we needed to sit down, chill out, and have a nice, long, classy breakfast with each other in Rio. So we ate scrambled eggs out of plastic cups.

5-star spot

We immediately proceeded to the Copacabana Fan Fest for the Brazil vs Chile round of 16 game on a Futbol Saturday (or, Sabado de Futbol). A Futbol Saturday in Brazil during the World Cup is basically the exact same as a football Saturday in Lincoln except everybody is singing or blowing horns, every day Brazil plays is dubbed a “national holiday,” and an entire country’s hope of prosperity and success as well as every player’s life rests on the results of the game. The fan fest had a solid 50-60K fans watching the big screen TV and another 10K of food, beer, caipirinha, cooked cheese, boiled shrimp, cigarette, watermelon, ice cream, soccer ball, and gum (gum? Really? Just gum?) vendors. During the game, Goose and I entered the ocean, and left with severe frontal lobe damage after undergoing an attempted manslaughter from Mother Nature. On one occasion, while some local Brazilian was confessing his love to Becca in the shallower parts, a miniature tsunami wiped both Goose and I out, and brought Becca down immediately, as well as her swim suit with it. Goose and I got up from our brief unconsciousness and Goose immediately began yelling, “BECCA IS DOWN. WE’VE GOT A BECCA DOWN.” Sure enough, the devilish Copacabana waves had brought Bec right on in and untied her bottoms along with it, presenting a perfect storm of “The waves keep knocking me over” with “I can’t stand up because my suit is untied and there’s a local Brazilian that wants to marry me standing just feet away.”

if your dog doesn't have a jersey, you're doing it wrong

Awesome security from the lifeguard here. "Just watching the game, please don't die"

Does this painted-on shirt make my breasts look big?

As we all are aware, Brazil beat Chile to advance to the quarters and Copacabana celebrated like…only Copacabana would celebrate. We headed toward Ipanema beach for some average views and then out to Gavea for some more outdoor parties, samba dancing, and random men peeing on trees right in front of us.

Sunday was considered “Elevation Day.” What does this consist of? High amounts of tourist activities in high places involving high-volume lines, high prices, and high amounts of food (churrascurias!!). The tourist activities were excellent. Sugarloaf mountain and Christ the Redeemer’s views are both some of the best in the entire world, and the lines (we love lines.) are worth it. But the Churrascaria (Carretao, Copacabana Location) sent me through a wormhole and into food heaven. Churrascarias are unique Brazilian all-you-can-eat meat restaurants, similar to U.S.A. Steak Buffet except you’re not at risk of dying if you eat the meat. Men with giant legs of meat continually strolled by and cut fresh pieces of steak and chicken onto my plate as if they were feeding the lion it’s prey for the week. I racked up double-digit stats with ease, eating until I couldn’t see straight like a proper American. We strolled (/stumbled) along Copacabana to end the time in Rio, and called it a night. On to Iguazu Falls for the grand finale.

my best pick-up line (get it?!!!!)

MAS POR FAVOR