Splitting from Split, Croatia

  As mentioned in the last blog, the public transportation in Croatia needs to be blown up and started from scratch. The city of Split itself, though, is majestic.

Yes. majestic.

 

The bulk of the city was established by Emperor Diocletian of Rome in the 3rd and 4th century. He is notable for creating a Tetrarchy with 4 emperors to rule different regions of the empire instead of a monarchy with one, trying to stabilize the economy with a common currency, tax reform, and building a palace just for himself as a retirement gift of sorts as he felt he deserved more than any human before him. In fact, he actually thought of himself as a god. I would kill to have that kind of confidence. "Please stop referring to me as human. For the last time, I am a god, ok?" Ultimately, he went the way of so many others before him…abdicating his throne, losing his mind in his final days, refusing to eat and stumbling about the Palace grounds naked. That's how every emperor wants to go out.

After his death, he intended to be buried in an epic mausoleum because he regarded himself as the “son of Jupiter” (son of the highest Roman god at the time). After he died, the church took a few liberties and the obnoxiously large mausoleum was finished as the Cathedral of St. Domnius. AND to make matters worse for his legacy, the Tetrarchy he started basically collapsed immediately and civil wars broke out around the empire. What a plot twist! The palace then sat abandoned for 400 years, until some Croats sought shelter inside the walls. I imagine their faces identical to the “surprised” emoji when they started unpacking - “Ummm…are we the first ones to think of moving in here?" 

The walls are still beautiful, but like many other walls in the world, ended up creating more problems than they solved (Hi, Donald!). Much of the city developed within those boundaries, and folks cramming in created more twists and turns than a Game of Thrones finale (really on a GoT kick over here). Disease spread like a kindergarten classroom. But the only issue it created for us was that because it is situated right on the Adriatic sea, it’s ideal for fat cruisers to mosey in and out of, and for Asian photography enthusiasts to use a gigabyte per minute of photo space. Mobility is therefore limited at best, and Bec and I are going to be social media STARS in Asia as we are accidentally in about a million pictures. 

Mausoleum turned cathedral on left, emperors apartments/office turned cafes on the right

Outskirts with a hint of Roman flare

If you have three days in Split, here is the best approach:

Day 1 - All of Diocletian’s Palace and cathedral, including the surrounding walls and parks and promenade on the ocean. 

"So what's wrong with taking the backstreets?" - 20th century philosophers Smashmouth

Glute burner

Orange is the new black (roof)

Bec is high. Above sea level.

Day 2 - Avoid all crowds at all costs. Take minimal public transportation if possible. Marjan Park and the beaches on the coasts are glorious and empty.

View from beginning of Marjan Park trail

Swimming holes present rare chances for unauthorized pictures of a very fit wife

Day 3 - Attempt to get to Klis Fortress, or a separate day trip preferably with some sort of organization to a surrounding Island.

The set of the city of Mereen

Actual Mereen

Reverse angle so you can see a dragon in the distance.

You have my sword, Khaleesi

Throughout - eat all their food, drink all their cappuccinos. 

That was our plan after some trial and SEVERAL errors on the transportation, Notably, to get to Klis Fortress you'd probably be better off shouting commands in the air for dragons to pick you up like a cab service instead of attempting the public transport out there (six different ways, in our case). Nonetheless, our 3-day plan worked like a charm.

Food? Food. Lots. Hot Cevapi sandwich from Kantun Paulino, Sesame Tuna Salad from Bepa!, Swordfish Salad from Misto Street Food Factory, and Steak wraps at Sexy Cow were all highlights. As you can tell, Croatian food doesn’t really know how to fully identify itself…so just takes what works in other countries and combines it. 

On the coffee front, Becca has grown frustrated. She has stated several times that the worst part of her day every day, especially at home, is when her coffee cup goes empty. Yes. She lives a blessed life. Well, let me tell you the looks of disappointment as the waiters deliver her toddler sippy cup sized cappuccinos are comparable to stomping in a child’s birthday cake…not because they are bad, but because she finishes them that much faster. Thus, sadness…and thus tripling the amount of coffee dates required in a day here.

It's like playing "Tea Party" as a child but instead of tea it's coffee and instead of a child it's your wife and instead of make believe it's a wife that really wants a lot of powerful coffee. BUT, the views in Cafe Barr 11 in Stobrec made up for that.

The Highlight: Klis Fortress. This is a tough one, because it basically took a day and a half and possibly some tears to find our way there (see last post) on the 22 bus, and there’s very minimal effort put into the maintenance of the ruins and creating a museum out of it. BUT the views were that incredible, and with it being outside of the reign of terror of the tour buses, we were free to explore it and have Becca act like Khaleesi from Game of Thrones. The dream! Honorable mentions: Diocletian’s Palace, Marjan Park walk, views from atop Cathedral of St. Domnius. 

We are now splitting from Split and entering the home stretch with Dubrovnik for 3 days, Barcelona for 1.5, then Chicago for 3 more (David and Beth, if you're reading this, we'll be there Thursday evening - thanks for the lodging). We are enjoying ourselves, and our photography efforts. We hope you do as well! 

Out our back door - Marina Stobrec

Are you telling me this isn't in style anymore???

Lord Andrew of House Hasebroock

Ruling with an iron fist

...And a spear I definitely wasn't supposed to touch but nobody was around

Ouch. Feet.

Croatia Public Transportation is a Disaster. My column.

If you’re going to Croatia for beautiful beaches, awe inspiring history, and cultural experiences, you’re in the right place. If you’re going to Croatia and expecting to move from point A to point B in some sort of meaningful, efficient fashion that does not involve using your legs, you’re in the wrong place. 

I'll preface this with a chronicle of this very moment: sitting on a rickety bus with sputtering air condition traveling south from Split to Dubrovnik. This trip is 100 miles, but incredibly, the 0800 arrives at 1300. Redeeming qualities: 125 Kuna (~$20) per ticket makes it the cheapest option, and the views are pretty fantastic.  

Other options: 

• Rent a car: 2 hours and 45 minutes by car, which is also impressively slow, and more expensive than bus.
• Flight: prohibitively expensive/non-existent; airport in Split is about a half hour away by city bus (if it arrives)
• Ferry: Despite heading out to sea, making 4 stops, and traveling half as fast, the Krilo line would leave at 0740 and arrive by 1200, for $35/ticket. First choice, but sold out the day before. Classic.

So, we are crammed like stockyard animals onto a bus with other dejected tourists, some even forced to stand for hours. It combines the glorious coastline views of Croatia with the smells of a high school football locker room, the heat of a sweat lodge, and the amenities of a casket. The gentlemen around me are sweating profusely, the ticket man hates his job and is cursing his company, and the following commentary has been heard:

• “This has the potential to be the worst five hours of my life” - that one was Becca
• “I asked him to turn the A/C on and he said yes but he’s just an asshole” - Dramatic man who also yelled “Turn the Air Conditioning ONNNNN” from the back of the bus
• “You have to fix this or we’re going to start passing out!” - Dramatic man’s wife at the ticket man, who continued to sweat and curse his company
• “Give me a rope and tie me to the roof ya know” - Canadian man in front of us
• “Oh yah I just hope this doesn’t explode” - Other Canadian man in front of us

Yes, the morale is low and some have already concluded 15 minutes in that if the vehicle doesn’t explode it will be a successful trip. This is what happens when you remove first world amenities from first world people. 

So, backing up, how did we get to Split? And how did we get around in it?

Train from Ljubljana to Zagreb

Four days ago, the plan was to travel Ljubljana —> Zagreb, Croatia —> Split, Croatia. Tickets were valid for any train between May 21st and 24th. Due to rain, we opted to leave a few hours earlier on the 1445 afternoon train from Ljubljana instead of the 1835 as planned. Unclear why, but we think that with Croatian borders, they require you to switch trains in Dubova, Slovenia to a Croatian line. This would have been fine if we had any idea. We did not, and ended up spending 3 hours in the beautiful, sprawling 4-block metropolis of Dubova. The final leg was a train at 2021 for 40 minutes into Zagreb. 

At the Zagreb station, we snagged a spot on the sleeper car for our overnight train leaving at 2300. This cannot be done online, so we were feeling particularly blessed until we entered our new apartment: ~15 square feet with 2 mini twin beds, a shelf/sink hybrid, no air condition, and blankets that have had unforgivable things done to them. Not ideal sleeping conditions, but nothing a Kozel Dark (the best beer in the world, that’s a fact) beforehand can’t fix!

stretching out on my sleeping shelf!

If you prefer sleeping in a tin box that feels like a roller coaster at times and a screeching construction site at others, this is your kind of sleeper car let me tell ya! No matter, we got the sleep we could, and arrived in Split after ~8 hours. 

Doesn't get much better than this, honey!

Split Public Transportation: a public health crisis

Coming from the most efficient systems in the world in Ljubljana, Salzburg and Vienna, this was going to test our patience to the max. 

Our apartment was located in Stobrec, a town on the outskirts of Split, about 4 miles from the city center. Immediately, in the pouring rain, we were told by three locals three different ways to get to the city buses from the main bus station. Fellow travelers: you’re looking for a stop next to the Green Market, and if you’re located in the center of Stobrec, do not take the 60 line... So we took the 60 line, because we were told it was best. 

After 25 minutes, we jumped off the 60 line…on the next stop on the highway as it went past our town, and walked the rainy 2 miles with our luggage into town. Becca was thrilled!

In the next few days, we would notice a few things about Split’s public transportation:

1) Part of the door was missing on our first bus. Just gone. 

2) Parts of seats were missing on all buses. 

3) The “free WiFi” was missing on most buses.

4) None of the bus stops are labeled with the names of stops 

5) No announcements are made at stops. 

6) There is no digital board of any sort at the stops telling the next bus arriving. 7) There are sometimes maps at the stops, sometimes not. 

8) There are some maps online, but different on different sites. 

9) The labeled times of arrival at the stops are incorrect. Instead of the time it arrives at that stop, the buses are listed by what time they are leaving the original stop. It’s up to you to guess what time it will arrive if your stop is between the beginning and end. 

10) Some have air conditioning. Which is fine because some have doors missing, and some leave their doors OPEN FOR THE WHOLE RIDE 

11) Google Maps does not have public transportation as an option in Split OR Dubrovnik, the two biggest cities in the country. This is not helpful, although they’re correct that maybe it shouldn’t be an option.

Finding Mereen (city from Game of Thrones), a.k.a. Klis Fortress

This was to be a spectacular quick trip from Split, but finding a way to Klis is about as likely as finding fire-breathing dragons flying around Croatia. 

On day two, we caught the 25 bus at 9:40 from Marina Stobrec into town. This runs once per hour, so pretty happy to be on it despite having to stand for the half hour — an elder German tourist was pin balling around the crowd with her hiking sticks at every turn and I thought someone was going to get impaled for sure, so I offered my seat. We arrived at 1010 to catch the 22 bus at 1020. Feeling optimistic. This never arrived. The other bus drivers and kiosk employees were convinced it would though! 

Bus signs were in Croatian with no translations, so we went to plan B - the 34 bus from the the police (Polijska) station stop up the street from the Green Market. We read about this one on blogs, as the city website is…not. It’s just not. The 34 bus stops running at 7 a.m. 

Plan C: The 35 bus from the same stop. That one runs every few hours. 

Plan D: a bus that gets close, then we can cab or walk? The 16 bus goes to Solin, the next closest town. Walking is up a vertical rock face, basically. 

Having exhausted all options, we saw that the next 22 bus left at 1430 from HNK, the National Theatre stop. This also is not true. The bus leaves at 1430 from Klis… and then you just estimate when it will arrive at HNK to turn around. 

So we went to Marjan park, swam at the beach, and tried again the next day. 

This time, we just threw up a Hail Mary. The 25 into town that morning was late, so we missed the 34 bus from the Polijska station stop. Standard procedure. So we caught the 16 bus after the mythical 22 bus didn’t come to HNK for the 20 minutes we stood there, and got off in Solin. We asked the bus driver when the 22 bus would come through town. 

His answer: “Could be soon. Could be a while.” 

Within 5 minutes, although we had never seen it before, the 22 bus showed up like Drogon fighting off White Walkers. Incredible. Heroic! It was one of the highlights of the Europe trip so far. And so was Klis Fortress. The views are what you pay for. Literally: there are generally no other tourists there (wonder why?!), no pamphlets or guides, and minimal museum info, so you are paying ~$6.50/ticket for an abandoned fortress with breathtaking views. Was it worth the trip? Yes. Maybe. Probably lost a few years off my life with the stress. But if you can replicate our success or accurately guess the arrival time of the 22 bus, you’re in for an absolute treat. Daenarys Targaryan didn’t conquer and rebuild that town in a day - you have to earn it too. 

The mythical Bus 22. Need some air flow? Sure just throw the doors open for a while. P.S. check out the luxury seats

My Khaleesi and her kingdom

...

So the A/C has now kicked on after a half hour, and morale is rapidly improving. We have had to stop twice for passport control, once for a 25 minute rest stop, and 20+ times at random stops because it's Croatia transport so why not? Dramatic Lady wants a refund, but life is otherwise good and the views off the cliffs on the ride are incredible. We’re certainly happy to be alive, and blessed to get to the home stretch of this otherwise amazing trip. 

Why to sit on the right side of the Split-->Dubrovnik Bus.

 

Slowin' Down in Slovenia

Before booking our leg to Slovenia, all I knew was that the country used to be part of Yugoslavia and that Anze Kopitar used to slay everyone in hockey in his teenage days here. Afterward, all I know is it’s one of the prettiest countries on earth and we need to come back.

The trip started with a private chauffeur from Salzburg via Jackson Shuttleworth, my college roommate and one of the more entertaining humans out there, and his better half/better 7/8ths Michaela. With the 2 hour trip turning into 3 hours mainly secondary to Jackson’s questionable decision making, we had plenty of time to catch up after a two year hiatus (his fault, not mine) and discuss big hitting topics like:

• With a morning diet of pastries and coffee, how are Europeans so healthy?

• With an afternoon diet of cake and coffee, how do Austrians appear so healthy?

• With an evening diet of sausage, wienerschnitzel, and an additional bolus of carbs in one form or another...seriously how do they do this?

• The anti-smoking thing hasn't really reached here yet…those Europeans definitely are not healthy

• Jackson’s transition to becoming a consultant for Deloitte...in German

• Jackson’s blunders along the path to learning German

• Jackson’s blunders along the hiking path while attempting to propose to Michaela 

• Jackson’s blunders along the highway to Slovenia

• Jackson’s ability to out kick his coverage and land a lass like Michaela

We arrived in time for another few sheets of rain - Slovenia's turn.

Lake Bled is a small Northwest town that draws tourists in just for the views of the castle and the church. The castle is propped on a cliff overlooking the pristine glacial lake and the area it is settled on first appeared on land registries in 1253 A.D. It’s now primarily used for meetings if anything, which appears to be a bit inconvenient, but pretty sweet that you get to come to this gorgeous tourist town. The church is the primary showstopper of the area, as it’s built on an island in the middle of the lake. Again, convenience was not a main consideration in construction here, but they nailed the beauty part.

Lake Bled in all her glory

Becca in all her glory, admiring Lake Bled

The incredibly friendly staff at Castle Hostel 1004 was kind enough to offer some tips on the area. Following them on the tip to take the “walking path” to the viewpoint opposite the castle, we questioned what defines a walking path as we found ourselves 1) in a backyard 2) in ankle deep mud in our sperrys and tennis shoes 3) sucking wind on a 100-step staircase with an 87 degree incline. No less, the panoramas of the area from that point are astonishing. We waited for the clouds to finally part and enjoyed the hike down. This was ruined only by Jackson betting us all 10 Euro that hermit crabs never grow their own shells, they find them. He was correct, per his own unverified wikileaks source.

A short drive from Bled is Triglav National Park. This is Slovenia’s only national park, and might be the most lush park in the world, possibly because it has rained every day since we’ve been in Europe at some point. We started on the west side of Lake Bohinj and ascended to Il Dom past the gushing Slap falls, through a few feet of unexpected snow, and toward some wild views from the hut awaiting us at the top. This hut was an experience in itself. The Slovenian waitress was fantastic, but to say there was an issue with communication would be a serious understatement.

Feeling slightly emaciated, I went right to the top for the “Beef Soup WITH Noodles,” and she repeated back “Beef and noodles OK!” I wasn’t even disappointed but just plain shocked when this came out as a bowl of noodles, while Jackson and Michaela’s “Barley Soup” had half of a pig of ham on top. Beef Soup = no beef. And Becca’s menu item? ‘Sandwich.’ Just ‘Sandwich.’ No descriptors. The possibilities were endless! Pepper ham and cheese was a lovely surprise though.

Following the hike down to complete our 5 hour round trip, I avenged my Hermit Crab bet loss by defeating Jackson in rock skipping on Lake Bohinj. Shout out to my fans that have been there for me through thick and thin. This is a far greater feat, I’m aware. Lake Bohinj, situated at the base of the park, receives glacier and snow runoff and puts it on display in epic fashion. Would go back 100 times.

How we hang out on bridges in front of Bohinj

Save the Date photo, you're welcome

Bohinjian Rhapsody

Our final morning was spent hiking the Castle trail and boating Lake Bled. And by boating I mean me acting as both motor and rudder in a courageous act of brute human strength and poor coordination.
We parted ways, and Bec and I forged on toward Ljubljana. This city is an absolute gem and severely underrated. Voted the Green Capital of Europe in 2016 for sustainable energy, recycling, and general cleanliness, the city boasts it and deserves it. The downtown riverfront is pedestrians and cyclists only and feels like a cleaner, cooler, prettier version of what Chicago is going for.

We met up with Becca’s college friend, Maya, a Slovenian native. Turns out she is also an Olympic sprinter for Slovenia. Six short years ago, as a single bachelor figuring life out, if you told me that I would someday graduate medical school and get a drink with my beautiful wife and an Olympic athlete on top of a skyscraper in Slovenia, either my head would have spontaneously exploded or I would have just died laughing. Alas, here we are. Maya was super kind and offered us some insider info, which we took and ran with. Usain Bolt is a cool guy, by the way. I asked.

The city was BUMPING on a Monday night, thriving with full cafes up and down the riverfront. We hit Romeo for a Slovenian fusion style dinner along the riverfront. This is not to be confused with Romeo’s fusion style Tex Mex dinners in the U.S., with the main differences being the ambiance, the employee satisfaction, the guilt involved, and the rest of the experience. The seafood salad and Nutella/Banana Crepe for dessert come highly recommended.

Our quaint hostel, Family Guesthouse GreenSLO, was about 10 minutes from downtown via bus. Sergey, the father and thus CEO of the biz, was the highlight. When we inquired about the “Free Coffee” sign on our way out in the morning, the following exchange occurred, word for word:
Sergey (who speaks very minimal English): Oh ahhh free coffee ist… no.
Me, gesturing to sign: Oh. So no free coffee?
Sergey: Ahhh no ist ahn…ist for review. Computer. You say. You type good for…(points around the room)… I see it. I see, I say “Oops! Ist good!” I give coffee.
Me: Oh! So we review the stay first?
Sergey: I see high marks and OOPS! Is good! Oops! Here is coffee!
Me: Good review it is!
Sergey: OK, you like meelk or no meelk?

A series of unfortunate events:
With another rainy day on the horizon, we decided to head out a few hours early at 2:45 pm toward Zagreb, Croatia, where our layover before the trip to Split was located, and sun was promised. This would have been awesome…but we nearly didn’t make it, and although we did reach it in a sweaty heaping mess of clothes, our train actually stopped at the border. Dubova, Slovenia. For 3 hours. This connection was not indicated on the internet, nor the train boards. We checked again.

Don’t get me wrong, Dubova is fantastic. All 4 blocks of it are pristine... it’s just not a place I’d really picture myself spending more than an hour in. We grabbed a bite at 1 of their 3 restaurants - Valentina Pizzeria, and left pretty impressed yet disgruntled.

Following a pleasant conversation with Erstatt, a Ljubljana bus driver/amateur boxer/Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator, we arrived in Zagreb. Another underrated stop, and with one power hour we stumbled upon one of the biggest Cathedrals in Europe (Cathedral of the Assumption), two massive parks, and two festivals.

Finally, the sleeper car to Split, Croatia at 11 p.m. This is to be expanded on in the next post, as it was an experience unlike any other. Wouldn’t be a European adventure without…some of the more inexplicable travel mishaps imaginable.

And now, some more photojournalism:

From within the Castle walls. The clock tower was added in 1800s, the most recent addition

Skyscraper Bar, two U.N.O. greats

Ljubljana downtown

For prepared pictures I looked like this

In actuality I looked like this for the majority 

 2nd Save the Date photo

Guess this one captions itself

realllly loved it there

Accepting bids for whatever magazine wants this gem

Save the Date photo shoot is almost complete...

...Now complete. 

Hi @NationalGeographic

View of crew race from Castle Bled. Guy in Lane 3 getting absolutely SMOKED.

The falls en route to Dom

Jackson's strange inability to take reasonable photos on full display

"It all falls down"

Lost this staring contest a few times

Started to question Jackson's fearless leadership here

Jax.

Again.

See you in Split!